Sexually exclusive but not committed7/23/2023 I’m mentally moving towards walking away as I suspect I’m just going to get hurt (I don’t like to be vulnerable and already am)…īut how long can it take for a guy to work out that he doesn’t really want to have a dating profile?! Should I wait, should I ask him about it (I did ask early on – he said he never went on there – and seemingly didn’t for a while – but has changed his location very recently), should I just walk away explaining that it’s not floating my boat anymore…(I *really* like him and don’t want to do that but maybe will just force myself to do so rather than be humiliated)?Įmma: thank you. I get all the feelings that he wants me to be committed without him being… and also feel that he’s more ‘into me’ than he wants to be… and that he doesn’t want me to walk away yet he’s not prepared to give up looking (he still has a very infrequently active, but recently refreshed, dating site profile). Subsquently has asked if I was well behaved when I was away overnight – I told him that of course I had been, he knew I would be. I asked him if I’d annoyed him… he didn’t answer until the second time I asked and simply said ‘hey, if you want to go out in town, you don’t have to run it by me’. He was *really* frosty – and went incommunicado overnight. There was no reason to tell him and he never asked… but he was really frosty when he found out I was in town and expressed surprise that I hadn’t told him. I went out/offline for a few hours last week, when out for a night in a town closer to him than me but didn’t tell him I was going. He knows that I get male attention – and not infrequently signs off his messaging for the day/whatever with ‘be good x’. I was clear with him at the outset that if I engage in a sexual relationship with someone I get attached to them – and have since made clear that exactly that has happened – I am attached to him. We still have not defined what the ‘relationship’ is other than ‘sexually exclusive’. He raised the question of swinging (something I’ve done before, many years ago, but he never has) in order to gain experience without leaving a relationship. I openly raised this with him as I couldn’t see how it fitted with a desire to be sexually exclusive and to carry on seeing me. I’ve been concerned that he has much less experience than I do, sexually, and that he almost certainly has a desire to explore that. He’s taken me on great dates, we’ve spent evenings, nights and mornings together. We’ve both gone to considerable lengths to see each other – about equal effort, lots of driving. Very quickly he made clear (within a week or two of meeting) that he wanted a sexually exclusive relationship… but he was not wanting commitment. When we met there was loads of physical chemistry – he was bowled over. Relatively infrequently – geography, work, children (I have two part-time, he has two, sees them less frequently than I see mine).
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